Близькість чи самотність: чому стосунки настільки важливі

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Близькість чи самотність: чому стосунки настільки важливі
Близькість чи самотність: чому стосунки настільки важливі

Ерік Еріксон психолог 20 століття, проаналізував і розділив людський досвід на вісім етапів розвитку. Розвиток особистості триває все життя і вона поступово проходить через ці етапи. Кожен з яких може принести унікальний досвід і унікальний результат.
Один з таких етапів, про які піде мова у статті – це близькість чи самотність. На цьому етапі проходить боротьба молодих людей, коли вони намагаються розвивати близькі, люблячі стосунки. Це шоста стадія розвитку, на думку Еріксона.

Еріксон вважав, що коли люди успішно проходили ці етапи, вони здобували навички, які допоможуть їм досягти успіху на наступних етапах. Однак якщо людина не проходить один етап – вона не може перейти до наступного. Отже людина має продовжувати здобувати життєвий досвід, щоб перейти до наступних етапів.

На стадії близькість чи самотність, на думку Еріксона, успіх означає мати здорові, повноцінні стосунки. Невдача означає відчувати самотність або замкнутість.

Що таке етап “близькість чи самотність”

Хоча слово близькість може викликати думки про сексуальні стосунки, Еріксон описав це не так.

За його словами, близькість – це любовні стосунки будь-якого роду, це що вимагає ділитися собою з іншими. Вона може допомогти вам розвинути особисті зв’язки.

Так, у деяких випадках це можуть бути романтичні стосунки. Еріксон вважав, що цей етап розвитку відбувається у віці від 19 до 40 років – саме тоді більшість людей можуть шукати собі романтичного партнера.

Однак він не вважав, що роман – єдина мета для побудови близьких стосунків. Еріксон  розглядав цей етап значно ширше. Він визначив це, як час, коли особистість мож розвивати тривалі, повноцінні стосунки з людьми, які не є частиною їх родини.

Ті, хто були твоїми “найкращими друзями” у середній школі, можуть стати важливою частиною твого близького кола спілкування. Вони також можуть втратити значення у вашому житті та стати просто знайомими. Це час, протягом якого щось із цього станеться.

Самотність, з іншого боку – це спроба людини уникнути близькості. Людина може бути самотньою тому, що боїться кимось захопитися або не наважується відкрити себе для інших.

Самотність може завадити вам розвивати здорові стосунки. Прагнення до самотності, також може бути результатом невдалих відносин, які розпалися.

Якщо вам завдали болю близькі стосунки, ви можете побоюватися близькості в майбутньому. Це може призвести до того, що ви будете з обережністю йти на нові знайомства. А то й взагалі не захочете відкрити себе для нових стосунків. У свою чергу, це може призвести до тривалої самотності – навіть можливу соціальну ізоляцію та депресію.

Що призводить до близькості чи замкнутості?

Близькість – це вибір відкрити себе іншим і поділитися собою та своїм досвідом, щоб ви могли створити міцні стосунки. Коли ви зробили цей вибір і почали довіряти іншій людині, ви розвиваєте близькість.

Якщо ці зусилля будуть відкинуті, або вас відштовхнули якимось чином, ви можете відмовитися від пошуку інших стосунків. Побоювання поранитися ще раз, може призвести до того, що ви відокремитись від інших.

У кінцевому рахунку це може призвести до низької самооцінки, що може лишити вам ще менше шансів наважитися на розвиток відносин чи пошук нових друзів.

Як перейти від самотності до близькості?

Еріксон вважав, що для того, щоб продовжувати розвиватися як здорова людина, потрібно успішно пройти кожен етап розвитку. В іншому випадку людина може застрягнути на одному місці і, можливо, не зможе пройти майбутні етапи.

На цій фазі розвитку це означає, що потрібно навчитися розвивати і підтримувати здорові стосунки. В іншому випадку подолання решти двох фаз розвитку може опинитися під загрозою.

Самотність часто є наслідком страху не отримати взаємність. Якщо ви боїтесь, що вас відштовхне друг чи потенційний романтичний партнер, ви можете повністю уникати будь-якої взаємодій.

Це в кінцевому рахунку може змусити вас уникнути всіх майбутніх спроб формування відносин.

Перехід від самотності до близькості вимагає прояву вашої сили волі. Ви маєте протистояти своєму підсвідомому бажанню уникати інших людей. Протистояти бажанню уникати низки складних питань, які можуть принести стосунки. Потрібно бути відкритими та чесними щодо себе та інших. Це часто буває важко людям, схильним до самотності.

На цьому етапі, можливо, вам буде корисна допомога психотерапевта. Він може допомогти вам зрозуміти поведінку, яка перешкоджає близькості, і допоможе вам розробити стратегії для переходу від ізоляції до близьких, повноцінних стосунків.

Що трапиться, якщо ви не пройшли цей етап розвитку?

Еріксон вважав, що невиконання будь-якого етапу розвитку може створити проблеми в майбутньому. Якби ви не змогли розвинути сильне почуття самоідентичності (п’ятий етап), вам було б важко розвивати здорові стосунки.

Проблеми на цьому етапі розвитку можуть заважати вам навчати людей або викликати складнощі в питанні дітей.

Більше того, тривала ізоляція може завдати більше шкоди, ніж вашому психічному здоров’ю. Проведені дослідження показують, що самотність та соціальна ізоляція можуть спричинити серцево-судинні захворювання.

Деякі люди, можливо, можуть мати стосунки, незважаючи на те, що не будують міцних, близьких зв’язків. Але вони скоріше за все виявляються невдалими у перспективі.

В одному з досліджень встановлено, що жінки, які не змогли розвинути сильні навички інтимної близькості, швидше розлучаються у середньому віці.

В підсумку

Здорові, успішні стосунки є результатом багатьох пройдених етапів розвитку – включаючи відчуття ідентичності.

Побудова цих відносин також залежить від того, щоб знати, як спілкуватися відкрито та чесно. Незалежно від того, підтримуєте ви погляди Еріксона чи ні, здорові стосунки корисні для кожного з багатьох причин.

Якщо ви намагаєтеся створити або підтримати стосунки, психотерапевт може вам допомогти.

Навчений експерт з психічного здоров’я може допомогти вам подолати вашу схильність до ізоляції. Він також може допомогти підготувати вас належними практиками для формування хороших довготривалих відносин.

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